February Never Seemed So Angry
Most of these things scare me half to death
Like a deer running for the forest just to meet the wolves out by the ridge
Like a child without an inhaler just struggling for another breath
Like the lady in a fifth avenue flat, staring out over the city from a ledge
Like a soldier a globe away from his family, hands pressed tight trying to keep the blood from leaving the hole in his chest
And I know, I’m no different. I know it doesn’t make much sense.
I’m slamming my head into the steering wheel
It’s the only way I know how to bring the night to an end.
I called you brother, sincerely. I called you my fucking friend.
Away in a city for six or so months while you were back home
I guess you forgot what loyalty meant.
I was just a kid.
Now I’m not so much a kid.
But I’m just a fucking kid, backed into a corner losing my friends.
I told her I felt like the sun
She didn’t quite know what that means.
I told her I felt like the moon
She said I keep changing like the leaves.
I said I’m sorry, darling. With a space to grow and restless feet.
I’m searching for something that feels like home
And this town is nothing but a stack full of records without melodies stuck on repeat.
I told her I felt like leaving
She swallowed cold coffee and we never spoke again.
"It’s too late for calling.." never stopped me before.
I smoke more than I drink because I’d rather keep my head in the sky
As opposed to keeping my feelings with my heart on the floor.
But my friends talked me into whiskey on a familiar back porch
And when they went to bed with their girlfriends
I smoked so many cigarettes and thought of you until I forgot how to breathe.
A missed phone call
An empty voice
Oh, I don’t need you, if you don’t need me.
I want to wash myself clean by the creek.
Does Sleep Ever Mean Sleeping?
I can’t make any sense of
The words that left my lips.
Here’s a toast to the death of common sense
Thinking I could fill the gap in our bridge.
So I won’t tell you,
I won’t tell you, lest my teeth fall out in the morning.
When your eyes are bright like the moon, and blue,
I won’t know
I won’t speak, I just won’t speak.
It’s not like you could find the time.
When the nights thaw out and I walk through your town
I wonder if we’ll be friends then
Or if I’ll even be around.
I grew my hair out because you told me to
And I cut it all off last summer before I moved
Because I couldn’t stop thinking of you.
I can’t make any sense of this.
My Father Told Me To Never Fall In Love With A Dancer Or An Artist
When you asked the color of my eyes I replied that they were simply brown and you looked at me with such disdain and politely asked that I never say that out loud.
You told me my eyes looked like dark swirls of sweet whiskey and that I kept a glare in my eye that someday soon, someone might miss me.
We were all philosophers and alchemist then.
I was the scientist kid with a cigarette,
trying to prove we could find the universe in our lungs in the end.
But I still hear the wolves scratching at the cabin door
And I’m still picking the splinters from my skin where I kept them from coming in before.
I tap along with the rhythm and I flip the record over to play some more.
You flood in like nostalgia in the latest hours to fill my head.
I remember you smiling in the early morning as I told you that I had branches for ribs
Where you could carve your name in.
Now you’re heavy thoughts dragging my eyes towards dreams
And I just want to kiss your collarbone and sing you to sleep
Because this bed is empty.
I’ve felt like Atlas
Shouldering stones cast by the flick of a wrist.
I’ve been holding up the night sky
And counting the stars as my breath covers them.
I’d apologize for keeping my head in the clouds,
But I like the way the night creeps in and fills the empty space between my ribs
Where you used to live,
And I don’t want to come down tonight
And I don’t want to come down tonight
If I were a ghost I would walk up and down your staircase as
A reminder of the times you’ve haunted the hardwood floor
outside of my bedroom door.
I found out the blues could follow you when I moved,
How is it you can still haunt a place you’ve never been to before?
Three hours away from home
And optimism in my bones.
I saw a town burning in my rearview, and I saw you dancing in the flames.
Of everything to let go and be erased, you’ve stayed
So lovely in my mind and the most beautiful thing about this state.
I must be a monster
Ripping hearts out for St. Nick’s sake.
One day away,
How could a spine collapse so close to the holidays?
I put my memories tied-tight in my stockings
And I dropped it in the fireplace.
How will I know if my actions are right or justified?
I can’t help but to think it won’t be revealed by
Turning off my phone
Staring at the ceiling without the lights on.
You let your hair down
And I let my hair grow.
"What’s to be left in the past?", you ask..
..How the hell should I know?
I’m but one man.
and empty space in my left hand.
It’s like I’m riding a stolen bike at three a.m. on Demonbreun street.
Going around and around and around and around in circles
Waiting for the city lights to speak.
Dear Old Friend
I know your house burnt down, but I’ve had the same fire burning in my head before.
Kissing the wires of my brain while I find my nerves washing up on shore.
I still have the taste in my mouth of white ash and where the salt dried it out.
I think of you sometimes, but I can’t picture your voice anymore.